Benefits of Social Confidence
We all wish to be popular, to be known for who we are, to have fulfilling
relationships and to be able to live our lives in an atmosphere of love
and deep friendship. Indeed, we all need a certain level of love
and friendship in our lives simply to remain healthy.
Social confidence provides the ability to share one's innermost experiences.
Relationships grow from shared experience. Even everyday activities - food, music, ordinary pleasures become drenched in meaning when two
people realise that they are not alone in the moment.
Social confidence provides the ultimate freedom. When we grow in social
confidence we draw strength from people all around us. Sartre said 'Hell
is other people'. He must have had low social confidence, because all
of our joy comes from other people. Social confidence is the
quality which allows us to enjoy the presence of others.
Empathy and Congruence
Social confidence is closely related to two key psychological qualities
:
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in another's shoes. It
is about appreciating what a person is feeling, rather than what
they are thinking. Empathy is a skill which can be learned and developed.
It is important to note that individuals who lack empathy are not necessarily
unkind or uncaring. Sometimes low self esteem makes it difficult for us
to expose ourselves sufficiently to empathise. Furthermore, some of us
are socially handicapped through a low level of awareness of normal social
cues - we have difficulty 'reading' other people.
Congruence is a term coined by the late Carl Rogers, a pioneering
therapist who is often described as the father of the counselling movement.
Congruence is a measure of the extent to which your experiences, your
feelings and the face which you present to the world all match one another.
It is also a measure of the extent to which you are true to yourself,
regardless of the value systems imposed by significant others - your family,
for example. A highly congruent person is not vulnerable because you can
peel away layer after layer and still find the same personality showing
through.
Being happy in your own skin, and free to be yourself regardless of the
stresses which are applied to you, makes it possible for you to achieve
good 'contact' with others. Good contact is essential if you are to develop
friendship and love. We meet thousands of different people every year,
yet the number of people we really know may be extremely small.
The more congruent we become, the easier it is for us to expose our true
nature and hence to develop deep friendships.
Socially confident people make it safe for others to open
up, because they are open to themselves.
Qualities of socially confident people
A socially confident person displays the following qualities :
- awareness of the mood and feelings of others
- awareness of one's own feelings
- acceptance of oneself
- ability to live in the present moment
- ability to expose oneself in order to achieve good 'contact' with
others
Developing the qualities of empathy and congruence can transform a person's
social confidence, and with it their social skills. A socially confident
person has no difficulties mastering social skills because every interaction
is a learning experience. We can even throw away the rule book because
true empathy means that we are tuned in to the person we are with, to
such an extent that we can intuitively find the right way to express our
feelings. You may have noticed how close friends can spend time in companionable
silence without discomfort. Tuning in to other people releases us from
mere social conventions.
Values, Beliefs, Behaviours
What are your true values? When you are stripped to the core, which values
really define who you are and what you stand for? Perhaps you have never
really given this much thought - it may not be something you feel comfortable
discussing. Yet you are your values; they express what it means to be
uniquely you, at a far deeper level than any ideas or opinions you may
express.
We may consider our personalities to occupy three distinct levels - values, beliefs and behaviours. Values are the core principles which
define us. Our beliefs are those ideas which we believe to be true, and
which we use on a day to day basis to direct our actions. Our behaviours
are the things which we do and say.
Congruence is the alignment of all
three levels - values, beliefs and behaviours - to reflect a unified whole.
It follows that we need to take time to reflect inwards, to appreciate
the nature of our core values and to allow these to shape our beliefs
and behaviours. We all make compromises during this process, in order
to accommodate social pressures. However hard we try to be true to our
core values, we will nevertheless identify with a particular 'tribe' within
society and find our behaviours reflecting the social norms within this
group. This is natural. As long as we start from the inside and work outwards,
we can make such accommodations without doing serious harm to our unity
of being. The danger comes when we take the social group as our touchstone
and try to build our personalities from the outside in. This is a perfect
recipe for incongruence, and helps to explain why adolescence is such
a troubled period for so many of us.
Developing social confidence
Confidence Club has developed a hypnotherapy CD which focuses on the five
key attributes necessary to transform your social confidence. These are
:
- awareness of the mood and feelings of others
- awareness of one's own feelings
- acceptance of oneself
- ability to live in the present moment
- ability to expose oneself in order to achieve good 'contact' with
others
This is a process of personal development from the inside out to achieve
lasting benefits. True social confidence is not reflected in brash behaviour,
but in a sense of inner security which enables the individual to respond
naturally and openly in any situation.
FAQs
Is hypnotherapy safe?
Hypnotherapy is probably the safest form of therapy available. You must
not use the CD whilst driving, or operating machinery, for obvious reasons.
If you suffer from epilepsy, are under any medication, or undertaking
any form of psychotherapy, you should consult your physician before undertaking
hypnotherapy.
What changes will I experience through using the 'Developing Social
Confidence' CD?
You will become more comfortable presenting your true self to the world.
You will become much more relaxed in social situations. You will become
more attuned to others, which will help you to engage at a deeper level
and to deepen your friendships as well as making new friends. You will
find dating and romance less of a challenge, and much more of a shared
journey.
How often should I listen to the CD?
In the early stages, 2 - 3 times per week. After the first month, reduce
this to once per week. After 6 months, reduce to once per month. Set aside
private time when you can listen to the CD in comfort, with no external
distractions.
Some of the messages are explicit, whilst others are indirect - they will
influence your behaviour in ways which are not clear to you. This time
commitment is important. Taken over the course of a year it is a trivial
amount of time, although you will need to be quite disciplined in the
early stages. Changing patterns of behaviour requires commitment.
My confidence profile indicates that I need to develop in more than
one area. Which should I focus on first?
Focus on the one which most inspires you. Personal development is a continuous
process - change is a constant in our lives so you can feel free to
start your program at any point. The important thing is to start somewhere.
Once the benefits of your more relaxed, more confident self begin to emerge,
you will find it easy to continue with your program of self development.
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